i think i shall go cook at charmaine's house more often! haha. it was damn funny. charm! lets do this more often! pretty please? but the next time. jsut for the both of us. SINCE SO MANY PEOPLE COMPLAINED ABOUT THE FOOD. ungrateful people. tsk tsk. but thanks for coming anyway. sorry chirstie! no chocolate pudding! and that the chicken was so tough! and i din't get to watch my movie! boohoo! i don't believe in them wanting to watch the chinese show all! humph. clearly upset. haha. just kidding.

seventeen party.
nothing much to say.
just see the pictures for yourself.





















i really don't know what i'm supposed to say.
i honestly don't.
so i'm just going to have a verbal vomit.



lexine dear. i guess i only have two things to say to you. thank you. for pointing this out to me. and made me realise what a horrible friend i was. and i still am. i know you're waiting. that you all are waiting. i'm trying alright? i really am. cause you're more than just a companion. and that i love you. no matter what you think. you are a friend through and through. you've done your part. and its time for me to start doing my part. please be patient. i'm trying.


amanda. the sweetest fiancee anyone can find. thanks for the patience. and for not giving up on me. i know you're always there. and maybe i'm taking advantage by taking my own sweet time. and thank you for making me smile whenever i am with you! you're the joy in my life and i hope you know it. i love you plenty!


audrey sweetheart. you're always quiet. i don't know whats going through your mind sometimes. but you never fail to make me smile. and i thank you for that. i love you for that too. you and amanda. gosh. no words can say how different life would have been without the both of you. i would have just killed myself of depression cause there won;t be the both of you to make me smile. to make me laugh.


sheryl. we've fallen apart. and came back together so many times. and you've always been the one to lower your pride to talk to me first. i'm ashamed. for being such a coward. and not making the fist move. i don't know if our friendship is stronger after this trail. or does it make it more liable to break? i don't know. but all i know is that 11 years won't go down the drain like this right? i know it won't. cause we're both to stubborn to let this go.

amazing. i got no picture for you. haha. i hope you're alright with this. we're just starting. alright? i'll try just as hard with you as the rest. and i hope you'l let me. i'm glad we talked it out. thank you for listening to me. i don't know if you're still angry or not. i hope not. but i feel better after talking it out with you. rather than you keeping quiet and keeping me guessing cause it feels really really horrible. let continue to be honest with each other. alright? so it means that if there is anythign about me you're not happy about. or don't like. or upset about. let me know alright. i told you that i'm just starting to trust you. doesn't mean that i'm fully there yet. and help me pass a message alright? i know its long. but i figure that he wouldn't want to talk to me.

i'm just asking you all for some time.

i'm finally letting this go. cause i'm way too tired. you've played with my feelings way too many times. a month? please. how about if you jsut forgt about it? entirely. i'm not some yo-yo. you can't just throw me aside and expect me to come back like some trained dog of yours. but being tired is not the only reason why i'm giving up. i'm scared. i'm getting really scared of you you know? i'm scared on how your mood turns on me al of a sudden. a 180 degree change. and then i don't know what to do. there is this kind of fear in me everytime i pick up the phone to call you. because random thoughs jsut pop into my head.
what if i end up crying?
what if you end up angry?
what if your mood changes?
what if we fight?
what ifs keeping popping up like its the end of the world.
i don't know what to tell you. i don't know what to say to you.
but this is the end.
i'll miss hearing you talk about stupid things for sure.
and you playing on the guitar.
trying to get the chords right. and when you do. you get the song wrong. i'll miss laughing at you. and laughing with you. but i won't miss crying. and getting myself upset for no reason when we're both going to pretend that nothing bad has happened and get on with things. but you know how much i owe you.
but that is not the point. the point being. we brought this upon ourselves. the more we think we know about each other. the more complacent we get. we just assume that we know something about someone and go on to make judgements about it. is this right? you said that i'm afraid to fall. but i guess you didn't knwo that i have fallen so many times and you weren't there to create a safty landing. and i got up on my own two feet. me recovering is one of them. because you will never know what i went through during those trying times. and when i lost you the first time round. i went through it without you. so don't say that i'm afraid to take the fall. it was difficult for me to turst you because so many people told me to keep away form you. but i didn't. and i trusted you. whole heartedly. although we both know that there is no such thing as trusting someone a hundred percent. no such thing as loving someone a hundred percent. it wasn't really love back then now was it? i don't know. but i will believe what you told me so long ago.
i guess there is no zoo for my birthday.
and no seafood for yours either.
unless you want it. the doctor says that i can have seafood now.
at least that will keep a smile on my face for awhile.


this is just way overdue. and i thought that you should know. i may still love you. but i'm not hoping anymore. neither am i clinging on anymore.
cause i'm not going to give you anymore chances.
even if its in the far far future and if anything should happen. i'm not hoping for anymore other than this friendship. i was contented with being friends. happy actually. but you think too much. assumed too much. so maybe thats why.
we're constantly fighting. and disagreeing. i don't know.
i don't know why i'm bothered still. when you're the one who doesn't wish to be there. at least now now anyway.